I furrowed my brow. This wasn’t supposed to be how it ended. This was victory, but where was the sweetness? Where was the satisfaction at having beaten the odds? How come I could only think about that night in the parking lot of the college, or CVS… why was I stuck in this stupor?

Hell rarely allows its denizens an easy exit. And even though we approach the surface, we are always dragged back eventually to the pool of blood from which we emerged at the beginning of our journey. Our thoughts always migrate back to the past. Despite the rivers of ink, this victory was not what I’d hoped for. I found myself still craving combat. I needed an adversary.

Bugs chirped from their perches in the bushes, and birds warbled to each other from their nests in the trees. I gripped the handle of the saber tighter. I was the mad warrior in the peaceful garden unable to enjoy the rose petals because of the thorns concealed beneath them. It would always lurk just below the surface.

I could wait for dawn, but the light was long gone. I would never be able to leave it all behind. I’d become a bringer of death despite being a lover of life. The sword was evidence of enough of that. The lonely road stretching out into the glittering lights of Cave Creek and the wider Valley was nothing but a reminder of my permanent disconnect from everyone. The silhouetted foothills and mountains suddenly seemed imposing. Nyx herself was suffocating me. Reminding me that I would never make amends. But maybe I had my adversary.

It was a dog-eat-dog world out there, a never ending cycle. I swung the sword. I would never permanently leave hell, but I could sojourn in heaven. I could guard the weary passerby on this lonely road from the terrors it held, and from the horrors Nyx concealed beneath her galaxy wide bodice. I was already doomed, but those I loved didn’t need to be.

A bittersweet smile spread across my face like butter on warm toast. I’m a damned soul, but I can take some of the horrors with me on this journey.